3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
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I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
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He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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