It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
