How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
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Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
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The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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