I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
