HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
