I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
