were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
