Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
i think my cat just said my name.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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