So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
