We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
