Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
