The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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