So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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