So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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