I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
