I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize