You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
