turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
