Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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