I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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