woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
