I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
