we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
