My room smells like vodka and shame
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
