I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
