I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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