i was rollin on her like bob the builder
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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