THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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