cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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