eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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