Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
