and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
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I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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