And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
