i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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