You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
