Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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