I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
