Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
