Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
