I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
