its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
