hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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