we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
