ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
