I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
