..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
