I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
