You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
