i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
