whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
