i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
