i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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