sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
