Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
