ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
