I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
