oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
