last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Let's get the cat blown out
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
