just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
