oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
