did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
