He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
