In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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